By Jaclyn Jermyn
Yes, marriage is antiquated.
Yes, the ideals of marriage don’t align themselves with the values of my generation.
And yes, I still want to get married.
I don’t know why really. Maybe it’s just a hold over from my childhood. I had two different wedding gowns I could dress Barbie up in. Ken had his own tux (with a bright blue cummerbund—who made that styling decision?).
I don’t know if I ever fit into the category of “every little girl dreams of her wedding day” because I think I dreamed of being a ballerina and seeing the world more than I thought about picking out a china pattern.
But yeah, I’ll be honest, I’ve looked at vintage wedding dresses on Etsy. I follow Married In New York on Instagram (and you should too because it’s cute as hell and city hall weddings seem like the best). I’ve looked at my parent’s backyard in North Carolina, overlooking the mountains and a lake and thought, “yeah, this would be a great place for a reception.” So sue me.
It’s foolish. But I am no one’s property. I would never have anyone “give me away” at the altar because my existence is not a business transaction. Side note: my original post was going to be about the concept of dowries and it ended up being too depressing so here I am typing away about the outdated concept of marriage and how I still believe in it, which to be honest, is not any happier.
The way I see it, I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I see my family two times a year. I see my extended family maybe once a year if I’m lucky. A wedding is a milestone for your later life. It’s probably after the graduation parties and before the more significant birthday parties. It’s something in the middle where everyone can gather together and remark on how you’ve grown up nicely and learned how to care about other people.
I would write my own vows. I don’t need to say “till death do us part” because I don’t want to be 60 and miserable and thinking about death as an escape route. But I would say “in sickness and in health” because if you really do care about another person, it’s not just the good days that you stick around for. And isn’t that level of personal maturity and commitment something to celebrate, if only on a two-person scale?
Oh, and in case my mom reads this, I’m not planning on getting married any time soon so you can stop hyperventilating. Let me finish college and get my life together first.